This semester I’m teaching Introduction to Church Music Ministry at Truett McConnell University. My students are church music majors and this class is a required overview of what to expect in local church ministry. One of the assignments I have the students completing are interviews with worship pastors and/or music leaders already serving in local church ministry. In preparation for these interviews, I had the students bring in 8-10 questions they wanted to ask these leaders so we could share ideas and suggestions on which questions might be the most useful for them to ask. The questions they brought in were really great questions. But, what stood out to me was that every student had one or more questions related to resolving conflict and how to have good working relationships with their pastor and staff.

If my students are any indication of other church music students getting ready to head into local church music ministry, then I think we better equip them with conflict management and relationship skills in the best ways we can. But honestly, these students need to start seeing these skills demonstrated as they are growing up in their own local churches. My point is: our church music graduates entering the local church need to be ready to handle the relational side of ministry on par with the development of their musical skills and their worship leaders growing up need to model it for them early on.

Everyone reading probably agrees with what I’ve said. Yet, our time of investment with young people called to the ministry is largely spent on crafting musical skills and platform presence, not the relational side of ministry. This is a mistake!

I’ve asked several pastors over the years the biggest reasons why worship pastors are terminated and very few of them revolve around lack of musical skill. Among the results are the following:

1. Lazy and unorganized
2. Cannot communicate effectively
3. Cannot get along with volunteers, staff, etc.

Since not every local church worship pastor/leader has the opportunity to teach in an academic setting, we local church worship leaders MUST invest in those emerging worship leaders in our congregations who feel called to vocational ministry. As a musical leader, you will naturally pour yourself into helping with them understand the musical and technical aspects of worship ministry, but don’t stop there. Spend time talking with your budding leaders about how to develop good working relationships with your pastor, other staff members, and volunteers. Show them how resolving conflict is done in a Christ-like manner. Below are some ideas.

Conflict resolution is important; solid communication is important. These things are taught, yes, but they are more likely caught as your emerging worship leaders are in your music ministry. Model excellence in effective communication and conflict resolution while investing in them one on one to help shape our younger worship leaders into pastoral musicians.

a few ideas (not exhaustive) to consider when confronting someone with the goal of resolving conflicts:

1. Effective Communication is the key to resolution
2. Search for the central issue to the conflict. This is key to understanding and resolving
3. Search for win/wins. Compromise if needed
4. Conflict resolution happens better face to face and not electronically
5. Seek to understand before being understood
6. Don’t meet alone to discuss issues if possible
7. Don’t interrupt the other when meeting with someone
8. Ask yourself- Am I truly the reason for the conflict? Am I difficult to work with or selfish? Unyielding or uncaring?
9. Be gracious/try to love/apologize where YOU might be wrong
10. Don’t reason with irrationality-sometimes the conflict can’t be resolved
11. Don’t take everything personally
12. Ask for outside counsel before you meet
13. Choose your battles carefully
14. And always PRAY for a soft heart, wisdom, and encouraging speech